I’m sitting at work just thinking about the Soundtrack of my Life that I’m working on in the remaining half hour before I leave to go home for a two week holiday, and I started getting all melancholy. You see most of the songs remind me of people, not many songs are connecting me to things, they’re all people.
Some of those people were really, really good friends…well when I say some I actually mean two. Stu and Eddie. Both I’ve lost touch with and despite a few conversations since, we’ve never really got back together as the great friends that we once were. That makes me really sad, to think we once were such good friends that we talked about everything together and supported each other through many things (Stu supporting me more than I ever did him!), and now we aren’t important enough to each other to even stay in touch for the odd conversation.
These guys I would have classed as my best friends, and Stu probably the best friend, and now neither of us are talking. Where does that connection that once existed between such strong friends go, and why?
Time apart is probably the biggest part of it all. Stu went off to work abroad for a long time, and I moved down to Edinburgh to work. That move also meant that Eddie and I didn’t see much of each other, and then we suddenly had lives that didn’t touch each others anymore. We never played guitars and sang together, we never went out and got drunk together, we never had that constant contact and updates about each others lives.
So are friendships, particularly the strongest ones of your life, something that has to be worked at and kept at a certain level? Are they something that just fade away if you don’t keep them going? Are they like a plant, it needs constant care and attention or else they just wither and die, yet all that time they are withering there’s a chance to rescue them and bring them back to the way they were?
That didn’t happen in this case though, the constant contact passed on and the friendship ended up withering. At the odd points there would be a phone call or an email, and it might perk up again, but not enough to bring it back to life.
So are they now dead? Not for me. Perhaps I’m too nostalgic and hold on to memories too much, but Stu was the most important person in my life for a long time. Despite being an annoyingly talented and sometimes selfish individual (I was perfect of course), he was my best and closest friend. I can still feel that, I can still see the memories of the great times and fun we had together when we were both in Aberdeen. The busking outside Waterstones bookstore on a Saturday night, the glove puppets, the water pistols at Slains, the list goes on.
With Eddie it’s the same, I always remember taking the guitars round to his house and practicing. That guy has the most upbeat, happiest and nicest personality I’ve ever met. That’s probably all rose tinted now and he was actually a complete idiot…well actually he was, but then we all were. Stu, me and Eddie practising at his house. Eddie and I playing a set at the Texas Homecare Christmas night out…one of the biggest nights of my life.
So no, they aren’t dead friendships to me. I believe that if they turned up tomorrow and we began talking that it would come back all so easily. Perhaps that is rose tinted though, perhaps they wouldn’t and we would be totally different people to those we were when we were such good friends. Is it that friendships can’t be restarted once your lives have started to be lived apart? I really hope not.
Of course there’s the even sadder option, and that’s where neither of these guys want to get back in touch. Perhaps for them the friendship has died, and it’s been chucked in the bin along with the pot. It could be the case, they’ve moved on and found new friends that have replaced the friendship we had.
There’s a point that’s doing an injustice to some of my friends now, I’ve moved on too, I have new friends and some of them are really close friends that I care for a lot, even if I’m not in constant contact – see, some of this is my doing – but there’s still that feeling of those old friends. Those lost friends.